February Film Reviews: Three 2024 Films that Were Not My Cup of Tea

In this month’s movie reviews, we’ll take a look at three 2024 releases that I didn’t enjoy nearly as much as most moviegoers seemed to. I don’t think that any of the three films I’ll go over below are necessarily bad, and I do appreciate some aspects of all of these movies. Still, I won’t be watching any of these films again. They were all just not my cup of tea.

The Substance (2024)

Mubi, 141 minutes 

The Substance is a multiple genre dark comedy, body horror, science fiction, artsy film. It premiered at the Cannes Film Festival last year where it won Best Screenplay. Watching The Substance has the same feel as a movie like Saltburn. Instead of focusing on class and wealth though, director-writer Coralie Fargeat takes aim at how society (Hollywood especially) views women aging.

While I think some of The Substance works, it really goes off the deep end towards the latter third of the movie and is also much longer than it has any right to be. I appreciate when movies have a message, but The Substance really beats you over the head with the point it’s trying to make – getting far too ridiculous for my tastes in the process.

I like the look of The Substance and the science fiction idea at the heart of the movie, which involves creating a younger version of yourself with an injection. The last third of the movie is so bonkers though. And while the early parts of the movie are definitely still extreme, these earlier scenes still were more grounded in at least some semblance of reality. 

I think the fact that The Substance has more of a feminist message is a big part of the reason it received such outstanding reviews. I’m all for a movie with a feminist message, but just because the goal of a movie is a good one, that doesn’t automatically make it a great film. Fargeat has a talent for writing interesting characters and setting up engaging circumstances, but overall, The Substance is a disappointing and disjointed ride.

Grade: 5/10

Anora (2024)

Neon, 139 minutes

Speaking of overrated films, there might not have been a more critically acclaimed movie that’s drastically overrated than Anora, another movie that also premiered at Cannes (and won the festival’s biggest prize). Anora isn’t a bad film – it’s a totally fine one. But if you went into it with high hopes due to its praise from critics and frequent placement on Top 10 movies of 2024 lists, be prepared for a letdown.

Anora is a modern-day Cinderella-type tale that focuses on a sex worker who begins a relationship with a rich, extremely immature 21-year-old Russian oligarch. Mikey Madison plays the titular character, and she does a good job in the role – she’s probably the best part of the film. I do wish we’d gotten a little more depth with her character from writer-director Sean Baker though.

I found the subject matter of Anora to be engaging at first, but once we enter the second major part of the movie (which is a search-for-a-character plotline) the movie becomes tedious and boring. Most scenes are longer than they should be and there are others that should’ve been left on the cutting room floor. There might be a good 90-minute movie here that I think most moviegoers would enjoy, but this version of the film isn’t it.

Anora is still well-made and the acting is solid. It’s just not deserving of the ample praise it’s received and is way, way too long.

Grade: 6/10

The Count of Monte Cristo (2024)

Chapter 2, 178 minutes

Despite knowing how to read, I must admit that I’ve never read Alexander Dumas’ famous novel, The Count of Monte Cristo. However, it’s an extremely famous work and I am familiar with the story. This is mostly due to the American 2002 movie adaptation – a film I really enjoyed as a young teenager when it was initially released. I’ve rewatched that movie since then and it’s one I still enjoy. Is it fantastic? No. But it’s a lot of fun.

I have to imagine that this French adaptation of Dumas’ novel is a lot closer to the source material. For one thing, it’s French (like Dumas was), and this movie does feel very distinctly French. The costumes and look of the film are really on point. Sadly, when it comes to how much 2024’s The Count of Monte Cristo succeeds as a quality movie, the results are decidedly mixed.

The acting in the movie definitely ventures into melodrama territory. In some ways, that’s fitting since the story itself is an extravagant and over-the-top one. On the other hand, it doesn’t feel like any member of the cast is delivering a quality performance.

When Dumas originally told the story of The Count of Monte Cristo it was released in 18 separate parts over two years in a French newspaper. This movie very much feels like that sort of stretched out, not-necessarily-flowing-together serialized story just told on the big screen.

As a whole, the movie is still watchable (though quite long) and if you really love the book, then you might appreciate this adaptation more than I did. It doesn’t nearly come close to the level of fun of the 2002 version I was familiar with though, nor does it succeed at being a higher quality sort of film. 

Grade: 5.5/10